I don’t know when it happened…but I feel it so strongly now.

I am in love.

So wonderful to write those words.  Even if there wasn’t a defining moment that made it clear for me…something in me just knows.

To be honest, I think I was falling in love with Ragavan all this time.  But I can say now that it suddenly creeped on me…this feeling of confidence that I know I am in love with him.  That’s new for me.  I’ve never felt that way about someone before in my life. 

I feel safe with him.  I feel comfort around him. 

He is supportive…although sometimes doesn’t understand some things.  But I can comfortably tell him that too.

It’s exciting to plan our life together.  There’s going to be a lot of adjusting… and a lot of changes. Moving away from my family is something I’m really sad about… but I want to make it all work. 

I don’t want my family to think that I just moved far away.  I want them to know I am always here for them.  And I want Ragavan to show that he will continue to put in effort with my family – even moreso becuase I live far away from them – and it is important to me.  I want him to know that they are his family too. 

Maybe I’m dillusional right now because it’s 2am and I’m working on work for tomorrow.  But I’m feeling so charged these days.  It’s a good thing.  It’s a weird mixture of stress, excitement and fear.  It doesn’t sound pleasant at all, but something in me says this is going to make me grow in so many ways.  All these changes are a good thing.  I just have to get more comfortable with change. 

I want to enjoy the next few months… do really well in my job….spend time with my family…. spend time with Ragavan’s family and make it comfortable for both sides to meet…. start planning and setting up our home… travelling… working out and eating healthy and all the while remembering to do the little things that makes everyone around me that I love feel loved.  It’s a lot, but I want to do them all. 

I think it will all be okay.

Youth Daughter.

I love this song.  It’s so uplifting.  I don’t even know what the lyrics say…. but it feels good.  

Setting fire…to our insides for fun… ahhh…so much feeling!

 

I’m working on an application for peel public health.  It sounds like it would be right up my alley.  It’ll be in the west end too.  And while I do this job, I would love to work on all the side projects that peak my interest.  And build them slowly.  I feel like that’s how things are going to go down with me.  A stable job, with a few side projects. Some volunteering for the soul.  Some salsa dancing for fun/cardio.  Some gym and yoga for the heart.  Weekdays in the West end.  Family and fun in the East end.  And forever growing, learning and improving.  That sounds like a good plan for now.  But w’ell see.  And when one of the side projects sprouts, maybe I will do that full-time.  

 

“chasing visions of our future. 

one day, we will reveal the truth.”

I will find my niche soon.

Originally posted on Successify!:

This article is from Chiara Fucarino. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to address those with clinical depression or other mental illnesses.

happinessThere are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a person living in the slums of a third world country could be happy and content. I have spent plenty of time amongst both groups to have seen it first hand. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.

The question is: how do they do that?

It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do…

View original 1,132 more words

Feeling sick…probably more inside than out.

Got a running nose and congestion among other issues.  But I think I’m better than yesterday.  So definitely on the road to recovery.  

I feel sick…moreso inside than out. 

I haven’t picked myself up as well as I wanted to.  I don’t want to be writing these words again a month from now.  Things have to change.  I moved my GMAT books from the basement to the dining table – that’s a step, I guess.  Now I have to open them.  

When do I get this kind of freedom to study, to explore my career to apply to things that I would enjoy?  When will I get the time to invest in me…. volunteer, take salsa lessons, learn to cook, paint, photograph and spend time with my family.  Why am I looking at this unemployment as a prison?  

I am going to put a strict schedule starting March.  Everyday is going to be a new day to do new things and feel empowered and happy.  It’s gotta be strict and productive and happy.  I am tired of being tired of being tired.  I’ the only one that can change the way I feel inside and out.  It starts with healing… healing my cold – yes- but healing within.  

I have a lot of good things going.  I feel blessed in so many ways.  So it’s time I show it and work on me – everything else will unfold beautifully.  My attitude has to change.  It’s not a sad period of my life.  I will be successful, passionate about what I do and make the money.  For now, I want to concentrate on building confidence, working hard and enjoying what God has given me – a chance to find peace within.  

Need a new perspective.

I need a new perspective.

I am stressed out at work in all the wrong ways.  I keep feeling in limbo… and therefore act that way towards work.  I know it is not a long-term, permanent thing.  But I shouldn’t act like it’s temporary.  I work long hours, and no one knows it.  I prefer it that way, but internally, I don’t feel that those long hours help me in any way.  There are no rewards to these long hours.

After I write this post, I’m going to review a proposal.  I like doing this stuff, but with all the other things on my plate, it is hard for me to juggle everything.  I feel like a failure.  And just my luck…I am working with a contractor that is not delivering what we want.  It’s just an unfortunate situation and apparently one that people don’t usually experience.  I just happen to experience this on the first contract that I manage.  Ugh.  Maybe the universe is helping me in some way…I like to think.

I would like the universe to help me in other ways.  Like present opportunities in Toronto…and give me enough time in the day / evening to apply to them.  After my trip with the sisters to DR (which I can’t wait for!) and technical briefing event is over…. and I get to celebrate in Vegas…. I just want to concentrate on me and how I can get myself back home to Toronto.  I have to be back before June – in May actually.  But I want to leave Ottawa on good terms.

I am excited for this year, but I want this year to be in Toronto…not here.  It’s not Ottawa that bothers me…. it is because I feel like I am wasting time here, when I can be building relationships and experience in a place that is more long-term and permanent.  I need a new perspective – to clear my mind  – to be in my comfort zone.  Maybe I will get that in DR with my sisters.  I love them to pieces…but never show them that.  They deserve to be loved that much.

Anyway, back to this proposal!  Only one more day left before I head back home….eeek…can’t wait! :)

Hugs,

Vijee

O.town with the comfy circle

Hi again.

I’m back. It’s 2012.  I’m in Ottawa.

I’ve been a hermit for the past few months. Wondering….wandering….

Nothing felt settled.  Nothing still does.  But I think I’m coming to terms with my reality.

I’m sitting in my bachelor apartment – one that I got lucky with because Saums was just moving out of this place when I was starting in Ottawa.

I just got a text from Aka that reads, “Vijee…really relaxing weekend.  I’m so glad I came up with Niro. ….I found your place so comfy and homey!..We will remember these days so fondly when you’re back in Toronto for good. I love you with all my heart!!! <3 <3 <3 <3″

- four hearts for the four of us, I’m sure.

- talking about how comfy/homey my place is because that is what I want to hear…and what I worry about….she knows.

- telling me I’ll be back in Toronto because it’s what I want to hear.

That’s my Aka…knows what to say, when to say, and with a kind of warmth that’s hard to put into words. I love you too…more than I express it.

I’m listening to Coldplay…on my iPod docking station that Niro helped me set up last night.  I am so so happy for her.  She looks amazing…and so empowered…and positive.  I am so happy for her and her new transitions! She’s moving into her new place in less than 2 months!!!

And Saums.  Always wearing her heart on her sleeves…as lovely as ever.

This was a fun weekend in Ottawa.  We ate.  Watched a movie.  Ate some more.  Made martinis. Hung out and talked about everything and nothing…and it was comfy.

Good girlfriends are hard to find.  I feel blessed about that.  And I feel blessed that I get to share it with my Aka.  I love it that she is part of my everyday world.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.

We went to see Pauline.  They got their readings done.  All I get from this is that life is unpredictable…even if you make it as stable and predictable as you want it to be…..it will throw a few curveballs at you.  All you can really do is give your love, enjoy, appreciate all that you have.  Cherish the little moments with real people.  They will be there for you when the curveballs come…and you’ll be there for them.

Yup.  Life is definitely unpredictable.  I didn’t imagine coming back here.  Although Pauline said I would.  I went to see her the first week I moved here.  She told me I was wondering a lot.  Why was I back here?  What was my unfinished business here?

I thought she would talk about my career.  But all my cards pointed to this guy that was coming into my life about a year from now.  This amazing guy that will make me feel this kind of happy that I’ve never felt before.  It was amazing to here those words.  But, why Ottawa?  Apparently this is where I’m going to meet him.  Sounds a bit crazy.  But we’ll see….

I get really emotional sometimes being alone here.  I love it and hate it at the same time.  I enjoy the privacy.  I enjoy the freedom.  I enjoy the peace.  I have a lot to work on inside me.  But I miss home.

I don’t know if I should try looking for a job in Toronto.  I enjoy my work here…but sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it all.  I want to take my time in Ottawa – however long it is going to be – and become the person I want to be.  I have to develop discipline.

I want to have a balanced routine.  I want to explore my spirituality.  I want to look and feel beautiful.  I want to put effort into the people that matter the most in my life.  I have a lot to work on myself this year.  But 2012 sounds like its going to be something else…something really amazing.

I’m going to Skype Sharlu in a little bit.  I haven’t talked to her in awhile.  Then maybe Skype Rashmi and Ani.  I miss them :) And then Skype Shainaz in the night.  Prepare my stuff for tomorrow and head to be early.  I want to have breakfast at home…walk to work…nd then workout afterwards.  Small changes…but I want to have a good routine.

I loved this weekend…and the company.  But it does leave me with a sad feeling.  I’ll describe more of that in a private post.

Vijee

….

I don’t know what to call this post…so I just left it blank.

I feel sick – not mentally – but physically.  I need to go on a serious cleanse.  That is my first goal, once I figure out if I’m staying in Toronto, going to Ottawa or going to Waterloo?  I just got an interview for a Knowledge Translation Specialist position at the University of Waterloo.  Not sure how I feel about that.  We’ll see.  It sounds interesting, and it’s got a bit of graphic design elements to it – which would be amazing skills to build on – but I’m not sure how it would be compared to my opportunity in Ottawa, or God knows, in Toronto.

I have my interview with PHO tomorrow.  Eeeek! I’m nervous because I don’t know if I have the qualifications they are looking for for this job.  But, I’m going to try not to let that cloud me.  I have to have confidence when I walk into that interview room.  I lacked that in my last interview.

To be blunt, this is my last chance at landing a job in Toronto right now.  The whole thing freaks me out, but I just have to face it tomorrow and give it my best.  I can worry about everything else later.

My tummy is doing flips right now.  I don’t know if it’s the food I ate today (too oily) or my nerves getting the best of me…or both.  Either way, when I find out where my next home is and what my routine is going to be, I’m going on a serious cleanse.  And serious workout regime.  I have to take care of myself better.

Wish me luck! :)