I’m back. It’s 2012. I’m in Ottawa.
I’ve been a hermit for the past few months. Wondering….wandering….
Nothing felt settled. Nothing still does. But I think I’m coming to terms with my reality.
I’m sitting in my bachelor apartment – one that I got lucky with because Saums was just moving out of this place when I was starting in Ottawa.
I just got a text from Aka that reads, “Vijee…really relaxing weekend. I’m so glad I came up with Niro. ….I found your place so comfy and homey!..We will remember these days so fondly when you’re back in Toronto for good. I love you with all my heart!!! <3 <3 <3 <3”
– four hearts for the four of us, I’m sure.
– talking about how comfy/homey my place is because that is what I want to hear…and what I worry about….she knows.
– telling me I’ll be back in Toronto because it’s what I want to hear.
That’s my Aka…knows what to say, when to say, and with a kind of warmth that’s hard to put into words. I love you too…more than I express it.
I’m listening to Coldplay…on my iPod docking station that Niro helped me set up last night. I am so so happy for her. She looks amazing…and so empowered…and positive. I am so happy for her and her new transitions! She’s moving into her new place in less than 2 months!!!
And Saums. Always wearing her heart on her sleeves…as lovely as ever.
This was a fun weekend in Ottawa. We ate. Watched a movie. Ate some more. Made martinis. Hung out and talked about everything and nothing…and it was comfy.
Good girlfriends are hard to find. I feel blessed about that. And I feel blessed that I get to share it with my Aka. I love it that she is part of my everyday world. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
We went to see Pauline. They got their readings done. All I get from this is that life is unpredictable…even if you make it as stable and predictable as you want it to be…..it will throw a few curveballs at you. All you can really do is give your love, enjoy, appreciate all that you have. Cherish the little moments with real people. They will be there for you when the curveballs come…and you’ll be there for them.
Yup. Life is definitely unpredictable. I didn’t imagine coming back here. Although Pauline said I would. I went to see her the first week I moved here. She told me I was wondering a lot. Why was I back here? What was my unfinished business here?
I thought she would talk about my career. But all my cards pointed to this guy that was coming into my life about a year from now. This amazing guy that will make me feel this kind of happy that I’ve never felt before. It was amazing to here those words. But, why Ottawa? Apparently this is where I’m going to meet him. Sounds a bit crazy. But we’ll see….
I get really emotional sometimes being alone here. I love it and hate it at the same time. I enjoy the privacy. I enjoy the freedom. I enjoy the peace. I have a lot to work on inside me. But I miss home.
I don’t know if I should try looking for a job in Toronto. I enjoy my work here…but sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it all. I want to take my time in Ottawa – however long it is going to be – and become the person I want to be. I have to develop discipline.
I want to have a balanced routine. I want to explore my spirituality. I want to look and feel beautiful. I want to put effort into the people that matter the most in my life. I have a lot to work on myself this year. But 2012 sounds like its going to be something else…something really amazing.
I’m going to Skype Sharlu in a little bit. I haven’t talked to her in awhile. Then maybe Skype Rashmi and Ani. I miss them :) And then Skype Shainaz in the night. Prepare my stuff for tomorrow and head to be early. I want to have breakfast at home…walk to work…nd then workout afterwards. Small changes…but I want to have a good routine.
I loved this weekend…and the company. But it does leave me with a sad feeling. I’ll describe more of that in a private post.